Constructively face conflict

Some people always hope that the conflict between colleagues can "go away with the wind", but please think back: Have you ever had a serious conflict with others and resolved the conflict well by working hard? Wouldn't that be better than fooling yourself into pretending nothing happened?

You want to resolve conflicts and get agreement, but things don't always go your way. If two very smart people got into an argument, and neither of them was at fault, how would you handle the situation? If both of them are at fault, what will you do?

We can start by analyzing the causes of conflict. American psychologist Abraham Maslow wrote in his Hierarchy of Human Needs: Once a person's basic needs are met, he sets them aside and moves toward higher needs goals. Survival is the most basic human need, and at this level, people have every reason to be self-centered. You will do everything possible to meet your needs for food, water, and shelter—even in conflict with others. Once these basic material needs are met, you move up the hierarchy of needs and begin pursuing the needs of your family and the group you belong to. At this point, conflict will arise between the group you belong to and the other group.

People don't worry too much about basic needs such as survival and safety at work, and their needs jump to the pursuit of job achievement. At first, you may think that in order to achieve your work achievements, cooperation among colleagues is indispensable. However, at this level of needs, there is often conflict between colleagues because each of you wants to do your job beautifully, but each of you has different opinions on how to do it well. These conflicts can be very intense because everyone has their own means.

According to a report by Human Synergistics, a well-known business consulting firm, when people face conflict, there are three main responses: passive defense, active defense, and constructive attitude toward conflict. They differ in how those who respond to conflict respond to others and achieve outcomes.

Passive Defense: Set Up a Protective Barrier

Those who are passively defensive about conflict build a protective barrier around themselves. If he wanted to improve his situation, he would reflexively do the exact opposite. For example, an employee who has always been quiet in company meetings, but, when forced to increase his level of engagement, may speak out loudly and even knock the meeting table out. Bang bang.

The Avoider: Time heals all wounds. The evader believes that as long as they wait patiently, the problem will automatically disappear. But in fact, time does not heal all wounds, on the contrary, some wounds even become infected. Avoidance is an effective strategy, but simply avoiding all conflict will only gradually fill you with fear and resentment, because you have not done anything to solve the problem behind the conflict. If you are such an escaper, from now on, you should trust yourself to be fully capable of handling conflict, rather than continue to be a victim of it.

Concessioner: You're the winner and I'm the loser, so you don't hate me. The winning strategy of those who take the initiative to back down is to be the loser first in order to gain the favor of the winner. This strategy is still very effective to a certain extent, people will like this kind of concessionaire, but unfortunately, they may not be respected by others. At the same time, they will also miss many opportunities by giving in easily and without a position. If you are a person who is willing to make compromises in order to resolve conflicts, then please continue to use your superb communication skills, but don't bend over easily, you must stick to your own position. Regardless of the final outcome, you will be satisfied with your courage to express your opinion. Don't be surprised if you achieve more than you expected, you deserve it!

Supervisor: If we do this for you this time, everyone will ask us to do it in the future. Rules and regulations are the regulator's defensive weapon, and for him, adhering to those rules is far more important than pursuing results. Rules have their own raison d'être, but they have a deeper meaning than just their literal meaning. If you use the guise of literal rules, you will only become rigid and stubborn, and they will backfire on you. If in a situation you have no rules to follow and you have to take action, what do you do? Do you sit and wait?

Isolator: My boss thinks it should be like this...Isolator will find a powerful person to rely on, and then use him as a "bodyguard" and hide behind him. The problem is that they often spend their energy zealously pursuing such powerful figures rather than actively expanding their skills. So once they lost the protection of "bodyguards", they were at a loss. They are extremely loyal to powerful people, but the attitude of the other party towards them is not so. They are likely to be seen by everyone as someone who is submissive to their superiors, and, once their backers leave, they can easily be replaced by others. If you fall into this category, you should learn to be self-reliant and have your own mind.

Active Defense: Whatever It Takes

People who take a proactive attitude toward conflict are generally pre-emptive, and they will do whatever it takes to ensure that they can control the situation and win the final victory. Failure and setbacks are extremely hateful.

Dominator: Everything has to be done my way. When the Dominator walks into the meeting room, he will find ways to manipulate the meeting. They know exactly where their destination is, but whether that direction is right or wrong, they expect others to follow closely. They believe that only constant attack can save themselves from defeat. They either want to control others, or they don't want to be controlled themselves, which makes power all the more important and they seek it out.

If the Dominator shows genuine concern to others, he can be made to behave in a more low-key manner. This will make the other person more willing to follow your lead because you treat them with a genuinely helpful attitude.

Aggravated Conflict: As long as I lose my temper, I can get what I want. No matter what happens, the first reaction of those who worsen the conflict is to feel angry. No matter what level the serious program of the conflict is currently at, he will make it worse. They will show their good image by attacking other people's faults. Unfortunately, doing so is often self-defeating.

Those who worsen conflict are not incurable. If they can recognize that most of the people involved in the conflict are well-intentioned and want to solve the problem, they can find that the opponent's proposal has its own side. Granted, there are some people who come with bad intentions, but if you take other people's perspectives seriously and pay attention to their interests, you're more likely to resolve conflicts smoothly.

Tough competitor: I must beat you. Competitors and those who voluntarily back down are two completely opposites. Competitors believe that only by winning can they have a chance to earn the respect and admiration of others. These two types of people have problems in the grasp of "degree". The former blindly engages in competition, the latter blindly makes concessions, but in fact, only moderately participating in the competition and moderately making compromises is a wise move.

For the competitor, if he has "win" as his only goal, the other side involved in the conflict may be killed and many things will become impossible tidy. But don't forget that the purpose of managing conflict is to resolve it and get the job done. If everyone else is exhausted, what else can you accomplish? Only interesting competition, competition that promotes work motivation, and competition that helps to urge everyone to improve their work skills is good competition. This form of competition can help a competitor become more practical, allowing him to focus on the work he is trying to accomplish, rather than blindly pursuing victory in conflict, thinking that it is the only way to highlight the importance of the individual.

Perfectionist: That's not good enough. The first thing we have to admit about perfectionists is that they are the talent on the team because they try to get things right. There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to do things well, but it's a different story if you're overly striving for perfection. If the client doesn't ask for perfection, but you spend more time perfecting every detail, this will lead to delays in the project schedule, and the client may even decide to give up because it has not been completed for a long time.

Another issue we'd like to focus on is the impact of perfectionism on other team members. Since the former's attention is always on the parts of the job that are not doing well, his "nitpicking" can damage the morale of other employees. If everyone else loses motivation, you'll have to do all the work alone. To solve this problem, the following method seems good, because it is more pragmatic: All team members first determine the acceptable quality of work Standards, improve the areas that need to be improved, and others don't have to be too demanding.

Constructive Attitude: Turning Conflict into Opportunity

People with a passive or actively defensive attitude towards conflict see conflict as a threat to themselves; The conflict gave him an opportunity to improve the situation, and he believed that disputes would also lead to good results.

Pragmatic: Find solutions based on facts. Regardless of the situation, pragmatic people put their personal emotions aside, they just want to know "what can we do about it?" What about a mess?" They want facts, and they're willing to find solutions based on facts, and they'll take any advice that works, whether it's their own or that of an adversary.

Self-empowering: I intend to do this...Self-empowering people are very self-possessed and willing to take responsibility. When confronted with others, they don't just blame the other person, but instead focus on doing what they can control. They don't see themselves as the weaker party. They see a crisis as both a challenge and an opportunity, and they can often think of solutions that others see as nearly impossible to work out.

Relationship Builders: First, let's get to know each other. Before dealing with the issues that led to the conflict, relationship builders want to get to know other people involved in the conflict and develop a personal relationship with them. On Monday mornings, they might ask their co-workers, "How was your weekend?" They don't mean to strike up a conversation, they really want to know the answer to that question. Based on their past experience, this personal relationship can help them get through difficult times.

Comforter: I know we'll be able to fix it. The comforter's first belief is "win-win." They first figure out how to get the other party involved in the conflict, because in their view, "If I help you get what you want, you will too." will help me get what I want." Please don't confuse this concept with self-serving, which is sacrificing your own interests in exchange for the happiness of others, "win-win" means that both parties gain . What the comforter cares most about is that the conflicting parties can finally shake hands and make peace with a sense of satisfaction.

With these four constructive approaches, conflict can also become an opportunity. You can use the first two methods to discover new ideas, breakthroughs, and even success in unexpected areas. The latter two methods can help you improve your relationship by connecting with others and having meaningful conversations that help resolve conflicts successfully.

At work, conflicts between colleagues are inevitable. In the face of conflict, would you rather play a constructive or destructive role? This article has shown you that dealing with conflict constructively is a wiser, more effective, and truly problem-solving strategy.

The original text is reproduced with permission from www.thrivingonconflict.com and is copyrighted by Bill Kuehn, Steve Wille and Human Synergistics International. Translated by Liu Yanqun.