Turn confrontation into cooperation

Under the enormous pressure of work and life, many managers who are calm and rational will also become quarrelsome masters who are prone to tantrums, difficult to get along with, and embarrassing to others. As a manager, you certainly don't want to be such a person that you don't even like yourself. However, you feel that the mountains in front of you are connected one by one - your habitual reaction, the other party's mentality, the other party's position, the other party's dissatisfaction, the other party's strength, etc. In William Ury's view, overcoming these obstacles is something anyone can do.

Yuri is a well-known negotiator who has advised the U.S. Treasury, State, and Pentagon on negotiations. In his new book, Unable to Say No: Negotiating from Confrontation to Cooperation, he outlines a "breakthrough negotiation strategy" that provides practical guidance for action in the most common conflict situations in people's work and life. .

Scenario 1: Morning, at home. Your child starts crying again, it's a headache, it's too bad if you give him that junk food for breakfast, you change him a milk and bread, but look at his pouting mouth, you Knowing this little diehard is hard to convince. You habitually started to educate him loudly, but the situation got worse and worse, and the little guy seemed to be "eating soft and not hard."

One obstacle: one's own habitual reactions.

Strategy 1: To prevent habitual reactions, you can take the "box" state. As Ann Beers, author of The Devil's Dictionary, said, "When people get angry, they tend to say things they regret later." Impulsivity is useless. First, you need to examine the specific situation and then think about countermeasures. You can sit on the sidelines, go beyond your own limitations, and make careful assessments. As the saying goes, "think before you act". You don't need to get angry right away, it's a bad thing to have a beautiful morning ruined like this. In fact, the little guy listens to the kindergarten teacher very much. It is better to ask the teacher to talk to him. I believe it is more effective than losing his temper.

Scenario 2: Morning, office. You're holding a well-prepared project proposal that's been returned, and the boss's words ring in your ears again, "We've tried this a long time ago, and it just doesn't work. Let's talk about your next project. "Yes, this scheme has been used before, but the situation is different at this time, and the current market environment has proved that this scheme is quite effective now. However, it is not wrong for the boss to be disgusted and hostile to this plan. After all, he has failed once before, so how can he persuade him to adopt it?

The second obstacle: the mentality of the other party.

Strategy 2: The best way is to put an end to unnecessary arguments, remove the hostile mentality held by the other party, and overcome the hostile mentality of guard, panic, doubt and hatred hidden in the other party's heart. The best way is to consider the problem from the other party's position. "Compare your heart to your heart", you can also clear the haze and find an open sky. Stand in the boss's position, carefully analyze his concerns and worries, and then formulate a strategy to persuade the boss in a targeted manner.

Scenario 3: Lunch break, restaurant. You have to hold the spoon in one hand and the phone in the other. On the other end of the phone your wife is still enthusiastically discussing going out to dinner at that restaurant. Actually, you know, if you go out to dinner, it means you have to drive all night to come up with a plan to convince your boss, but how do you ask your wife?

The third obstacle: the opponent's position.

Strategy 3: Instead of rejecting the opponent, reinterpret the opponent's point of view. Why do you have to go out to eat? Candlelight dinners at home are also very romantic. Also, you always hear your wife complain that it is difficult to reserve a table and it is too crowded. Talk to your wife further. The reason is so simple, because the food reserves at home are insufficient, and she has no more time to purchase. Hey, that's a small question. I heard that there is a new French restaurant near my home. The dishes there are amazing, and what's more special is that they can also serve door-to-door, so you can easily enjoy a fine French meal at home with one phone call. "That's a great idea," his wife's voice sounded much lighter on the phone.

Actually, blindly refusing will only make things worse. Whether at work or in life, you may face requirements that you are unwilling to accept. How to face them? You should do the opposite, humbly listen to the other person's point of view, and redefine their point of view as an effort to solve the problem, an attempt. "Tell me more. Let me know why you're doing this." Treat them sincerely as your partner, as a collaborator looking to solve problems, reinterpret their perspective, and you'll find it easier countermeasures.

Scenario 4: In the afternoon, the office. A customer who has been negotiating for a long time, when you think you can sign a contract almost immediately, did not expect him to change his mind again, "If your company does not cut the price by 10%, our company will not agree to purchase."

Obstruction 4 : The other party's dissatisfaction.

Strategy 4: Don't force the opponent, leave a way out for the opponent. If you refuse right away, then your hard work for so long will be in vain; of course, you are not willing to easily agree to their request, is the other party still dissatisfied? You've made big concessions. At this point, don't get angry, it won't help. From the standpoint of the other party, "leave a way out" for the other party and give the other party a step, a 10% concession is impossible, but a 2% concession is still negotiable. Yes, they also don't want to spend many days of hard work in vain, and show affection for each other, making them feel that the final result is a big victory. Yes, it is a wise choice to leave some retreat with others and yourself.

Scenario 5: At night, at home. Looking at the pile of work at hand, you feel exhausted. But the next-door neighbor's loud speakers are causing a headache, and even if you've spoken to him a few times about it, it's still going on. No, I have to go and talk to him again, this problem must be solved today. However, you know this visit will not be easy. How can I convince him?

The fifth obstacle: the strength of the opponent.

Strategy 5: Do not intensify conflicts: use strength to guide and persuade the other party. In fact, the neighbors just moved in and may not really realize how much music has affected your life. Why don't you invite your neighbor to your house tonight, and I'm sure letting him experience the sound "attack" you've endured will make a difference. At the same time, he might as well take advantage of the effect of the owner's agreement to remind him from the side that this kind of sound disturbing the neighbors will be punished by the community management department. It's just that you don't want things to get that serious.

In the middle of the night, everything is so peaceful and beautiful. Although you are still burning the lights and fighting at night, you are exhausted, but the faint smile on your face tells everyone, "Tomorrow everything will be better!" You will be with the moody but innocent and lovely Children, a grumpy but kind boss, a diligent and virtuous wife who is a bit rambunctious, a stubborn but intelligent customer, and an independent but reasonable neighbor will spend a beautiful new day together.

"Unable to Say No: Negotiations from Confrontation to Cooperation", (US) William Urie, published by Machinery Industry Press in September 2005, RMB 28.00.

Ada Zhang, Associate Editor of the CEConline website.