Five steps to break through the negotiation dilemma

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Editor's note: "Can't Say No" is William Urey's next book on negotiation after "Agreeing". As a negotiator, William Urey has provided negotiation consulting for the US Treasury, State Department, and Pentagon, and his negotiating ability is deeply appreciated by former US President Carter.

In "Agreement", William Urey mentioned that both parties should abandon the win-or-lose negotiation concept and work together to achieve cooperation. However, when a willing negotiator meets the other party who always says "no", willingness alone will not lead to an agreement. To this end, William Urey put forward the practical skills of breakthrough negotiation in "Can't Say No", to help negotiators break through this dilemma and make the other side of the negotiation embark on the road of cooperation from confrontation.

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There is a story about an old man who left 17 camels to his 3 sons. He left 1/2 of the camel to the eldest son, 1/3 to the second son, and 1/9 to the younger son. So the 3 sons started dividing their inheritance, but were quickly disappointed that they really couldn't negotiate a good solution - because 17 is not divisible by 2, 3 or 9. So, the three sons went to a wise old woman for help. After hearing this problem, the old woman pondered for a while, and said, "Let me take that camel, and you can take a look!" In this way, the three sons had 18 camels. The eldest son took 1/2 of his, or 9 heads; the second son, got 1/3 of his, or 6 heads; and the younger son, 1/9 of his, or 2 heads. 9 plus 6 plus 2 equals 17. They had one camel left in the end, so they gave the remaining camel back to the wise old woman.

Like the 17 camels mentioned above, negotiations are often unruly and difficult to handle. You should, like the wise old woman, take a step back from the negotiation and look at it from a different angle to find the 18th camel.

The breakthrough negotiating strategy can be your 18th camel. This tactic allows you to get into "box" mode, allowing you to look at difficult negotiations with a fresh perspective. By resolving the confrontational behavior of the other party, indirectly approaching the other party, and making unexpected actions, the negotiation obstacle can be broken through and the negotiation can be successful. Among them, the core and theme of the entire negotiation revolves around giving enough respect to the negotiating party, not treating the other party as an object without emotional response that can be pushed by pressure, but treating the other party as persuasive and emotional people to look at. It is not to try to change the other's mind with direct pressure, but to change the other party's decision-making environment and guide the other party to make a decision. Let the other party draw their own conclusions and make choices based on the other party's own interests. For you, the goal of negotiation is not to win the other side, but to win the other side's support and understanding.

In order to achieve this goal, you need to restrain yourself from the urge to do things that are completely opposite to your inner feelings. In order to do this, you need to refrain from your habitual reaction behavior when you want to fight back, listen carefully when you want to attack someone, ask questions when you want to tell them the answer, and ask them when you want to Be able to communicate the differences between the two parties when implementing their own opinions and suggestions, and be able to guide and persuade the other party when it may intensify the relationship between the two parties and worsen the tension between the two parties.

Breakthrough negotiation is hard work. Successful negotiators are patient and persistent. Progress in negotiations is often achieved gradually. Small breakthroughs come together to make big breakthroughs and progress. In the end, even those negotiations that were once seen as elusive often lead to agreements that satisfy both parties.

Example of Breakthrough Negotiations: Raising Wages

The following example is about an employee negotiating a wage increase with an employer:

Employee (Elizabeth, the same below): Mr. Pierce, I can negotiate with Would you like to communicate?

Employer (Pierce, the same below): If it's about raising wages, I think, Elizabeth, don't waste my time. My answer is "no".

Employee: I've never asked you once about this.

Employer: You don't need to ask any more. There is no such funding arrangement in the budget at all.

Employee: However, it's been a year and a half since my last salary adjustment.

Employer: Didn't you hear what I just said? There is no such funding arrangement in the budget at all. Am I not being clear enough?

You can imagine how this conversation will continue. Either aggressively or passively fighting back, there are only two outcomes: either the employee eventually gives in, or the two sides engage in a destructive argument that ends in the employee resigning. Comparing the two, employees can silently count from 1 to 10 in their hearts, thereby restraining their impulses and the idea of counterattacking. In this way, employees can enter the "box" state, and thus clearly remember the dual interests that they need to take into account when negotiating with the stubborn boss: one is to obtain salary adjustments, and the other is to maintain a good cooperative relationship with the boss. So, instead of arguing with her boss, she did the opposite, and took the initiative to stand in her boss's shoes and analyze the problems she faced:

Employee: I know that our budget is tight, and we are now facing a lot of pressure. I don't want to ask you to squeeze money out of your budget to increase my salary.

Employer: You really don't think so?

Employee: Yes, I don't want to embarrass you and embarrass you. I know that you have been trying your best to think for us in a difficult situation, to do your best to think about us.

Employer: You're right. I also wish I had the budget for a salary increase, but there's really nothing I can do... So what exactly do you want?

Employee: I just want to take a few minutes of your time at your convenience and talk to you about how I can do my job better, what I can do better, learn about What can I get out of this without a capital budget.

Employer: Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk to each other. Come see me at 10 o'clock tomorrow. But it must be remembered that it is impossible to increase wages.

The employee certainly didn't win the negotiation for a salary increase, but she has clearly defused her boss's confrontation. She has succeeded in creating a more positive atmosphere where the two sides can negotiate better. The interview that followed went like this:

Employee: Thank you for making time to speak with me. I've been thinking about the tight budget you mentioned that we have to deal with. I'm also wondering if I can take on some extra responsibilities to help the company save some money...

Employer: Oh, that's a good question. You see now...

The employee didn't refute the boss's stance on wage increases, instead, she reinterpreted the topic as how to meet the boss's latent need to cut expenses and cut costs. But it is only through this conversation that the employee can ask for a salary increase again.

Employee: Now, I realize that a salary increase is indeed not possible, but if I can save us a lot of money, can I consider, from these savings, an appropriate amount of the extra work I undertake compensation? Of course, you know, we're definitely not going to exceed our existing funding budget.

Employer: I don't know if this actually works.

Employee: How about we treat this as a bonus for realizing savings?

Now, the two sides have entered a smooth negotiation track, and have entered a negotiation track that can meet the interests and needs of both parties. Employees have been working hard to leave a way out for their bosses. If the boss still resists and still refuses, then the employee needs to let the boss know about her best alternative, which in this case is another job opportunity she found. If an employee wants to maintain a good working relationship with her boss, she needs to do her best to avoid angering the other person.

Employee: Mr. Pierce, I agree with your suggestion. I love working here and I'd love to keep working, but with my current salary it's really hard to cover my children's college expenses. I got a job offer that could provide me with more financial support. But from the bottom of my heart, I still want to stay here and work. Is there any way we can solve this problem?

Such a negotiating style will make the boss aware of the reality of losing a good employee, making the concession options you design for him very attractive.

Steps to Breakthrough Negotiation: A Five-Step Process

Whether negotiating with a boss, a hostage-taking criminal, or your own teenage child, the basic rules of negotiation remain the same. In short, the five steps of breakthrough negotiation are:

The first step is to enter the "box" state. The first step in negotiating is not to control the other side, but to restrain yourself. When the other person says no or attacks you, you tend to give in or fight back in confusion. In fact, you can restrain your impulse to fight back by pointing out the intrigues and tricks used by the other party; then, give yourself enough time to fully consider it. Use this time to review your interests and best alternatives. Throughout the negotiation, keep in mind the benefits you want to negotiate. Instead of succumbing to hysteria or trying to retaliate, pay full attention to what you want to achieve in the negotiation. Put an end to habitual reaction behavior: to enter the "box" state, calmly observe and think about the progress of the negotiation.

The second step is to stand in the opponent's position. Before negotiating, it is necessary to create a good negotiation atmosphere. Make an effort to assuage the other person's anger, hostility, and misgivings. The other party often thinks you will attack or reject you, so do the opposite and exceed the other's expectations. Listen carefully to the views of the other party, agree with the other party's point of view, and do everything possible to express agreement. At the same time, it is necessary to recognize the authority of the other party and recognize the negotiating ability of the other party. Never argue with the other party, but stand in the other party's position.

The third step is to reinterpret the other party's point of view. The next challenge is how to change the rules of negotiation. If the other party takes a tough stance, you may not be able to hold back your inner impulse, hoping to refuse and refute, but this usually only makes the other party more stubborn and less accommodating. Instead, lead the other party to focus on how to meet the interests of both parties. Accept everything the other party says, and regard the other party's suggestions and opinions as an effort and attempt to deal with the problem. In the spirit of cooperative problem-solving, ask appropriate questions, such as: "Why do you want to achieve these goals?" "How would you handle this if you were in my position?" "If we..., What happened?" Don't try to guide and convince the other person yourself, but let the questions you ask become a good mentor and friend to guide the other person. It is necessary to bypass the other party's stonewall conspiracy, defuse the other party's aggressive behavior, expose the other party's deception tactics, and reinterpret the other party's negotiation strategy. Don't refute it, but reinterpret it.

The fourth step is to leave a retreat for the opponent. Now, you are fully prepared to negotiate with the other side. Yet the other side may still be hesitant, not realizing the potential benefits of a deal. You may want to stick to your point of view and put pressure on the other person to give in, but this will make the other person more stubborn and more willing to confront you. Instead, try to steer the other person in the direction you want. Think of yourself as a mediator of disputes, knowing that your job is to make it easier for the other side to say yes. Let the other party participate in the negotiation, participate in the decision-making of the negotiation, and absorb the views and thoughts of the other party in the negotiation. Do your best to find and satisfy the other party's unmet interests, especially the most basic needs of the other party. Help the other side save face and make the outcome of the negotiation look like the other side has won the negotiation. It is necessary to advance the progress of the negotiation in small steps and achieve phased negotiation results, so as to ultimately lead to the rapid success of the negotiation. Don't be too hasty, don't push the other party too much, and leave a way out for the other party.

The fifth step is to use strength to guide and persuade the other party. If the other party still expresses resistance and believes that they can succeed without negotiating, then it is necessary to guide the other party into the negotiation. Make it hard for the other person to refuse. You can use threats and force to force acceptance, but this often backfires; if you corner the opponent, they tend to punch you in the face, and they devote more resources to fighting you. Instead, you should guide the other party and convince the other party of the consequences of a breakdown in the negotiation. Ask real-world proving questions to guide the other party, guide the other party by admonishing rather than threatening, and show the other party your best alternative. But make sure that these are only used when necessary, by restraining yourself, by repeatedly stating your position to the other party, so that the other party realizes that your negotiating goal is to achieve mutual satisfaction and not to achieve your own victory. , so as to resolve the opponent's confrontation psychology and confrontation behavior as much as possible. Let the other party always know that they can make concessions at any time and achieve a successful negotiation. Don't let the confrontation escalate and worsen, use strength to guide and persuade the opponent.

The result of breakthrough negotiation: turning enemies into friends

A slap doesn't make a slap, but solving a tough dilemma only takes effort from one side. It's not beyond your ability to improve your most difficult relationships. The greatest negotiating power you have is the ability to change the rules of negotiation - to turn face-to-face conflict into cooperation to solve problems side-by-side. The biggest obstacles are those that stand in the way of negotiation, including: your inner impulse to fight back; the other party's hostile emotional response; the other party's stubborn behavior to stick to the established position; the other party's strong dissatisfaction; High estimate etc. These are all possible obstacles to negotiation. With breakthrough negotiation tactics, you can overcome these obstacles one by one without accepting negative responses from the other side at all.

During the American Civil War, Abraham Lincoln expressed his sympathy and concern for southern rebels in a speech. An older woman present, a staunch Federalist, rebuked Lincoln, saying that he should find ways to destroy the enemy instead of talking here and kindly, giving the enemy sympathy and concern. Lincoln's response was a classic, "What, ma'am?" He replied, "Doesn't I kill the enemy by making the enemy our friend?"

The breakthrough negotiation strategy is designed for this That is, by turning the adversary into one's own negotiating partner, which ultimately eliminates one's own negotiating counterparty.

This article is excerpted from the book "Unable to Say No: From Confrontation to Cooperation Negotiations", translated and published by Huazhang Branch of Machinery Industry Press in September 2005.

Huazhang Branch of Machinery Industry Press was established in 1995, mainly engaged in the publishing of books in the fields of computer and economic management. With its forward-looking publishing concept, advanced management model and eye-catching market performance, the branch has made "Huazhang" a leading brand in the publishing industry.